Thursday, September 2, 2010

We're the Lucky Ones

Emmett had a visit with his cardiologist today.  His blood pressure is where she wants it and though he needs to stay on his meds, she thinks he'll outgrow his need for them in the next few months.

For those of you who don't know....Emmett was born with a congenital defect.  An aortic coarctation to be exact.  His aorta was so narrow that he went into heart failure at 10 days old (we hadn't known about his problem before then).  He had heart surgery at 13 days old, and has since needed a balloon cath to fix it again when he was 6 months old.  He's doing really well.  Super well!!  I know we're the lucky ones.

The thing is...I want to talk about it.  A lot.  While I don't want his heart issues to define him, I'm still living with the fear.  I probably always will.  He'll be followed for life with yearly echoes.  Before every visit I'll be holding my breath.  Every little sniffle, every little cold, every scrape I'll likely be wondering (at the back of my mind) if its somehow related to his heart.  Silly.  I know. 

I was looking at pictures the other day of his first week with us.  It made me sad to think that it was the only real baby time we got with him.  I barely remember it.  I only got 8 days of breastfeeding difficulties, 8 days of being frustrated at having to wake up with a crying baby, 8 days of poop-watching (you know what I mean moms).  At the time, I was exhausted and I wish I could do it all over again.  I didn't get enough time before we were hit with surgeries, and IV's, and caths.

I'd call Sandra nightly from the hospital in tears saying: "He had such a good day, why am I crying?!?!".  Every night I'd be surprised by the response "Because you had a baby 2 weeks ago!".  I'd honestly forget.

Anyhow...I don't plan on making this blog about Emmett or his heart.  In the grand scheme of family life, it only takes up a moderate fraction of my daily thoughts.  But its there...always.  So remember to cherish those frustrating moments with your babies.  We never know when we could be wishing for the sleepless nights...
The calm before the storm.

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